Helping Your Spouse Address Substance Use: A Guide for Support and Encouragement

Mar 21, 2024

When your spouse is struggling with substance use, the path forward can feel overwhelming and lonely. You may witness destructive behaviors, broken promises, and a dwindling of the bond you once shared. It's easy to feel lost, but your love and determination can be strong factors in helping your partner find a path to recovery. Here's where you can start:

1. Educate Yourself

Understanding addiction is crucial. It's not a willpower issue or a moral failing. Addiction is a complex disease that alters the brain's reward circuitry. Learn about the specific substance your spouse relies on, the cycle of addiction, and treatment options. This knowledge strengthens your ability to have realistic expectations and supportive conversations.

2. Approach with Compassion, Not Judgment

Confrontations fueled by anger or blame rarely lead to positive changes. Instead, choose a calm time when your spouse is not under the influence and express your concerns with love. Focus on how their substance use...

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Unlocking Relationship Dynamics: Understanding Your Attachment Style

Mar 20, 2024

Our early childhood experiences profoundly shape how we form bonds as adults. Attachment theory provides a framework for understanding these patterns and offers valuable tools for creating healthier, more fulfilling relationships. If you're struggling with recurring conflicts, feeling misunderstood by your partner, or wishing for a deeper connection, understanding your attachment style can be transformative.

What are Attachment Styles?

Attachment styles describe the fundamental ways we connect with others in close relationships. They're primarily formed by our interactions with early caregivers and influence how we perceive intimacy, handle conflict, and communicate needs. Here's a breakdown of the most common styles:

  • Secure Attachment: Feels comfortable with closeness and interdependence, trusts partners easily, and communicates needs effectively.
  • Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment: Desires intense intimacy, worries about a partner's love, may be perceived as "clingy," and...
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Building Intimacy in Marriage: Small Steps, Big Impact

Mar 19, 2024

Marriage is a wonderful journey, but like any journey, it has its ups and downs. One of the critical factors in a long-lasting and fulfilling marriage is intimacy. Intimacy isn't just about physical closeness – it's about the emotional, intellectual, and spiritual connection that couples create and nurture over time.

If you and your spouse are feeling like you're drifting apart, don't despair. Here are some ways to rediscover and strengthen the bond of intimacy:

1. Communication is King (or Queen)

Open, honest, and compassionate communication is the foundation of intimacy. Too often, couples get stuck in the routines of daily life and forget to truly communicate. Make time for meaningful conversations – not just about the kids or household chores, but also about your hopes, dreams, fears, and feelings.

Find times when you can give each other undivided attention. Turn off the TV, put away the phones, and focus on each other. Practice active listening – really hear...

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Implementing Effective Communication

May 03, 2023

Effective communication is a fundamental aspect of successful relationships and business operations. Communication can either make or break a relationship or an organization. Miscommunication can lead to misunderstandings, mistrust, and conflicts. On the other hand, effective communication fosters trust, respect, and cooperation. In this blog post, we will explore ten ways to communicate more effectively, drawing insights from Steven Covey, John Gottman, and Tony Robbins.

  1. Listen actively: Active listening involves fully concentrating on what the speaker is saying and asking clarifying questions. It is essential to listen to understand rather than to reply. According to Steven Covey, "Seek first to understand, then to be understood."

  2. Avoid interrupting: Interruptions can be frustrating and disruptive to the speaker. It is crucial to allow the speaker to finish their thought before responding. John Gottman suggests that interrupting can be a sign of contempt, a communication...

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Keeping the Romance Alive

May 02, 2023

Romance is an important aspect of any relationship, and it’s natural for it to ebb and flow over time. If you feel like the romance has fizzled out in your relationship, it’s never too late to rekindle it. Here are some tips and examples on how to reignite the romance in your relationship.

  1. Date Nights: Whether it’s once a week or once a month, set aside time for just the two of you. It can be as simple as a dinner at home or as elaborate as a weekend getaway. The key is to make sure it’s quality time where you can connect and focus on each other.

  2. Surprise Gestures: Surprise your partner with little gestures that show you’re thinking about them. It could be a love note left on their pillow, their favorite snack waiting for them after a long day at work, or a surprise date night. These gestures don’t have to be big or expensive, but they can make a big impact on your partner’s mood and how they feel about your relationship.

  3. ...

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Effective Ways to Diffusing Anger

May 01, 2023

Relationships are complex, and sometimes difficult conversations can lead to anger or communication breakdowns. It’s important for couples to learn how to diffuse these situations to maintain a healthy and happy relationship. Here are five recommendations for helping diffuse anger or communication breakdowns for couples who struggle with having difficult conversations.

  1. Take a Break

When emotions are high, it’s best to take a break and give each other space. This will give you both time to calm down and process your thoughts and emotions. It’s important to set a time limit for the break and come back to the conversation once you’ve had time to think things through. Taking a break doesn’t mean running away from the issue, but rather taking time to gather your thoughts and come back to the conversation with a clearer mind.

  1. Listen Without Interrupting

One of the most important things in any conversation is to listen without interrupting. When your...

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Jun 15, 2022
 

Zach Carlsen is a transformational coach trained in human performance & positive psychology as well as nearly a dozen healing modalities including breathwork, emotional release, mindfulness, & Non-Violent Communication (NVC)  with a Master Coach certification from the Elementum Coaching Institute as well as a certification from Gallup, Inc. as a StrengthsFinder Coach.  He has a background in human communication & pedagogy with advanced degrees from the University of Minnesota and the University of Montana.   

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Why I Don't Focus On Happiness

Jun 10, 2022

I feel happy multiple times throughout the day, pretty much every day. Naturally, I'm a glass is half-full type of guy. Since I've been little, I've always been an optimistic person who tries to see the greater good, be empathetic of others who don't treat me well, and smiles and says hello to strangers passing by. I would say I'm blessed in this area of my life because I'm naturally a happy person. 

But...

What about all the other moments in the day when I'm not particularly happy? When I am stressed out, tired, angry, or simply frustrated that things aren't going the way I had planned them? What about when I have a session go longer with a couple that is having a crisis and it makes me late for dinner, and spending time with my wife and kids? 

Well...

In those moments I'm not happy. I'm all of those emotions I laid out earlier. So why don't I focus on happiness or other negative emotions? The reason is because all of these emotions are fleeting. They are momentary, ...

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A Conversation with Wade Bergquist (Podcast)

Jun 09, 2022

Hello Everyone! 

I had the opportunity to do a podcast with my friend and classmate Wade Bergquist. In the podcast we talk about life, relationships, and a whole lot more! 

Audio Link to podcast with Wade Bergquist

-Zach

 

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Couch Talk

Jun 08, 2022
 

A client recently asked me why my relationship with my wife has been so fulfilling and I told them, it’s because we talk about all the stuff in between us on the couch.

They were like what?

And I said. We made a commitment to each other when we started dating that we would put everything out in the open. So the things that most couples have between them on the couch that they’re thinking and never say to one another, we skip that part. No secrets, no suppressing our real thoughts and feelings about each other, our relationship, and if we have something that is bothering us.

We set a precedence of having open exchanges where we could hurt each others feelings, have big disagreements, and not be very happy with each other.

On the flipside, it created an incredible amount of trust, confidence, and appreciation for each others perspectives.

Because we can talk about anything, I know I can 100% depend on my wife for anything.

If you’re looking to build more intimacy and...

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