Could Your Dreams Be Killing You

Nov 12, 2020

Last week I met with a client who had well over 10 large priorities that had to get done in the next few weeks.

My client was exhausted. My client didn’t know how he was going to get it done. My client was me.  Sound familiar?

Too often I find myself overwhelming myself by attempting to achieve my dreams in the fastest way possible. I get caught up in the rat-race of getting ahead and being the first-mover. First-mover for this, and first-mover for that. I don’t care if it’s for getting my kids ready in the morning to attempting to have the most productive day of my life – I can easily fall into the trap of overwhelm and over-do if I’m not careful.

If I’m able to step-back from myself for a second, I start to see more than a few flaws in my thinking and emotional responses when I’m trying to accomplish too much at one time:

1. Tunnel-vision: I lose the ability to stay on top of everything else I have going on in my...

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Exercise: Your Secret Ingredient To Winning

Nov 12, 2020

We all have our own reasons for why we exercise. Health, self-improvement, meeting others.

Not only is exercise proven to improve your performance both physically and mentally (1), it creates your own secret ingredient for making you your best self and improving your chances at winning in everything you do.

There is article after article about the benefits of exercise and why you should do it. I thought that since you don’t need anymore noise on the “benefits” I would tell you a personal perspective of why for the past year I’ve committed to working out and lifting weights six to seven days a week for at least an hour.

1. I Look Better: I know what your thinking – how original. But seriously, I look better. People have used the word “vibrant” to describe the improvement. My skin looks better, my clothes fit better, and I have a higher self-regard for “me”. In other words, I’m proud of myself.

2. ...

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That Emotional Affair Is Going To Cost You

Nov 12, 2020

Just fun and games? It doesn’t mean anything? It isn’t hurting anyone?

 

Just because you haven’t taken that extra-marital work relationship to “the next level” doesn’t mean it can’t have devastating consequences to your professional life and your personal life.

 

The challenge for individuals entering into emotional affairs is that they don’t necessarily see flirting, sharing intimate facts about themselves, and playing into the “we’re just friends” card as a big deal. The reason? Because there hasn’t been the shame of an extramarital sexual encounter (1). In other words, people are justifying why it’s ok to tote the line.  Its also why I believe we continue to see emotional affairs happen in the workplace.

 

There’s just one thing wrong with not seeing an emotional affair as a big deal – to those around you it is and it affects how they feel about you.

 

Let’s...

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The Millennial Narcissist

Nov 12, 2020

This morning I was watching CBS Sunday Morning and they were talking about generational differences in the workplace and how it affects workforce dynamics. The main focus of the story was about millennials and how they tend to be the most narcissistic generation yet (I’m a millennial as well so this story pertained to me).

Millennials are now the biggest part of the American workforce, according to a Pew Research study. So just as The Greatest Generation moved over for their sons and daughters (Baby Boomers), Baby Boomers and Generation X’ers are moving over for Millennials. (1)

As we begin to see more millennials move into higher positions of power in organizations one of the challenges that millennials need to be careful of is believing that we are right and the baby boomer generation doesn’t know what they’re talking about. The old adage of out with the old and in with the new simply doesn’t work and it will cost your organization a ton of...

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Are You A Finisher?

Nov 12, 2020

I’m a terrible runner… at least by my standards. My average mile takes me around 10 minutes. I’m by no means good at it. 

In high school I was really good at basketball, but not great. I was the sixth or seventh man on our bench for our varsity depending on the game. No matter how much I practiced, how much I played, I couldn’t break the top five. We had an awesome team my senior year – with a record of 28-0, we won the state championship and it was a dream come true. That year I won our “Oil Can” award which goes to the hardest working senior. It wasn’t until I was in my 30’s that I could fully appreciate what the award represents – and it’s more than just being the hardest worker; it represents not quitting and facing frustration and challenges head-on when things haven’t gone according to my plan. 

Since I’m talking about sports, my favorite right now is lifting weights. I’m not the...

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Jealousy – The Root of Despair

Nov 12, 2020
This past weekend my company hosted a pre-marriage retreat for couples from MN and ND. It was an awesome experience and one that I’ll never forget.  
I’ll never forget it because of the connections and break-throughs that we had with so many couples. Couples struggling with communication challenges, family issues, depression, anxiety, sexual abuse and jealousy.
 
Although I could focus on any one of these issues, one connection I made with a young man at the retreat reminded me of the pain and anguish I used to put not only myself through but my wife through when we were first dating and first married.
To be completely blunt and honest, I was an A#$%HOLE when it came to my wife’s past relationships. I was a jerk.

 

Not only would I make her relive those past relationships, but I would then critique her on why she had made such bad decisions.  Thinking about my past behavior – I am really embarrassed.

 

Jealousy for me wasn’t...
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Creating Your Vision

Nov 12, 2020
 

Have you ever heard of a vision board? A vision board is a tool for inspiration and a helpful reminder of where you want to go in life. The cool thing is that you can have multiple vision boards for multiple goals that you want to accomplish and for daily reminders of things to be grateful for in your life. Your vision board can be extremely specific or more general for the future like the one above. On my vision board I have pictures of love, growing old with my wife, success, being a national recognized public speaker, being as physically fit as a Crossfit athlete and eating right. In the center I have a cross because I am a Christian and I want my life to reflect that.

Creating a vision board is not only fun, it can be a powerful source of inspiration for keeping you highly motivated.

If you are ever struggling with staying on track or acknowledging what you really want in life a vision board is a great way to see what you actually want and why it’s...

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5 Keys To Avoiding Divorce

Nov 12, 2020

Have you ever thought to yourself why you got married? The simple answer that we might say is “love”. But in my experience love only takes you so far. Love is absolutely the most important ingredient in a long-term relationship but there are so many other factors and determinants to avoiding being miserable, breaking-up or even getting a divorce.

My wife and I have been together for almost 10 years and next week we’ll have been married for eight. Although we haven’t been married as long as our parents (Kate’s – 35 years and mine – 47 years), we’ve been together for long enough to know that what we have together is special.

Because I work with couples from in all facets of a relationship cycle (premarital counseling, marriage enrichment, separation, mediation, and even going through a divorce), Kate and I often have discussions about what successful couples do in their relationship and what troubled couples do in theirs.

This past...

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Understand Work-Life Balance

Nov 12, 2020

When you think about not being able to spend enough time with your partner and feeling like work is overtaking your life (i.e., your job runs your life and not the other way around) what are you supposed to do?

One of the biggest overarching themes that I see couples struggling with are feeling like they don’t get enough time with one another and they don’t have a good handle on their work-life balance.

Before I started my company, I worked for a few years as a manager in corporate America. I had huge teams that reported to me (50+ employees) and I worked a minimum of 12+ hours a day, five to six days a week. You could say I had zero understanding of what a work-life balance was and how to begin creating a life that I felt in-control of.

In my pursuit of attempting to figure out how to create a work-life balance that I was in control of, I would set up meetings with senior management (1-3 levels above my pay-grade) and ask them this specific question: “how do you...

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No Guarantees

Nov 12, 2020

In the city that I live a very popular chain restaurant just closed. Apparently, it was the lowest performing restaurant in the state and so they decided to shut it down. When I first heard about this I was really shocked. Five years ago if anyone would have told me that this chain would be closing stores, rather than expanding in 2018 I would have bet against you. But the fact remains that times change, tastes change and that nothing is guaranteed. Like the beginning of so many things, opening a new store, starting a new job, and entering into a new relationship the beginning is often filled with excitement, joy, and hope towards a bright future. But, all too often I think we all experience seeing things fail, diminish and not meet the future expectations that we had set in the beginning.

Today, I wanted to get you thinking about the relationships that you currently hold near-and-dear to your heart. Most likely, these relationships that you’re thinking about are family...

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