A client recently asked me why my relationship with my wife has been so fulfilling and I told them, it’s because we talk about all the stuff in between us on the couch.

They were like what?

And I said. We made a commitment to each other when we started dating that we would put everything out in the open. So the things that most couples have between them on the couch that they’re thinking and never say to one another, we skip that part. No secrets, no suppressing our real thoughts and feelings about each other, our relationship, and if we have something that is bothering us.

We set a precedence of having open exchanges where we could hurt each others feelings, have big disagreements, and not be very happy with each other.

On the flipside, it created an incredible amount of trust, confidence, and appreciation for each others perspectives.

Because we can talk about anything, I know I can 100% depend on my wife for anything.

If you’re looking to build more intimacy and understanding ...

“I am so tired of having these same arguments over and over.  Why won’t you come to counseling with me?” 

Sound familiar?  You and your partner cannot agree on some very important issues and it is causing a significant strain in your marriage.  Your partner refuses to go with you to receive help.

Some thoughts about how to resolve issues that arise in many marriages.  Below are some common arguments that a reluctant spouse offers up as a way to avoid counseling.  Following are remarks that a person either in counseling or unwilling to participate in counseling might respond with.  Remember how important it is to be determined to be even, gentle, kind and non-accusatory as you meet together.

•  “ You are the one with the problem so why should I go?”
•  “Yes, I do have some issues and the counselor is helping me. But I can’t do this by myself.  You could, at least, come along and listen.”
•  “I don’t have time.”
•  “It’s only one hour a week. Surely you could manage one hour.”
•  “ I don...

Distracted

Most of us are. Especially when it comes to those fun little devices called mobile phones - which are becoming our vices. 

Increasingly, couples come to me citing that the main issue in their relationship is lack of focused attention due to their partner consistently being distracted by their phone. 

"He's always on it!... At the dinner table, when we go out to eat, if we're watching a movie, he's checking Instagram, texting his friends, sending emails. It just seems like he never has time for me, let alone focused time. Sometimes I think we'd be closer if we just text each other back and forth. Seems easier for him."

It goes both ways, male and female clients alike are competing for their partners attention because of our handheld devices and it's not getting any easier. 

In a study written in 2017, researchers found that relationship satisfaction and the length of the relationship decreased, while also increasing the risk for depression among the partners. The study i...

You messed up. You have caused your spouse incredible hurt and now you don’t know what to do. In the moment, your relationship can feel like everything is in tailspin and all you can do is do your best to hold on in the moment.

When we cause incredible hurt for our spouse, one of the main challenges in repairing your relationship is that you have crossed an invisible boundary. By crossing that boundary you have broken trust in your relationship and now your spouse doesn’t feel as safe with you as they once did. 

When I say ‘safe’ I do not mean where someone is physically worried for their safety. I’m talking about your spouse’s ability to be completely vulnerable with you moving forward, to trust that you are going to follow-through, and that you actually mean what you say.

In order to repair the damage you’ve caused in your relationship, you need to be able to ask your spouse for forgiveness. By asking for forgiveness you are acknowledging that you did something wrong, and you are ...