Asking For Forgiveness

You messed up. You have caused your spouse incredible hurt and now you don’t know what to do. In the moment, your relationship can feel like everything is in tailspin and all you can do is do your best to hold on in the moment.

When we cause incredible hurt for our spouse, one of the main challenges in repairing your relationship is that you have crossed an invisible boundary. By crossing that boundary you have broken trust in your relationship and now your spouse doesn’t feel as safe with you as they once did. 

When I say ‘safe’ I do not mean where someone is physically worried for their safety. I’m talking about your spouse’s ability to be completely vulnerable with you moving forward, to trust that you are going to follow-through, and that you actually mean what you say.

In order to repair the damage you’ve caused in your relationship, you need to be able to ask your spouse for forgiveness. By asking for forgiveness you are acknowledging that you did something wrong, and you are showing remorse. Both admission of guilt, and showing regret are critical in receiving true forgiveness from your spouse and you not having to worry that they will continue to hold a cloud of guilt over your head for the foreseeable future.

When you ask for forgiveness it’s important to follow these three tips:

1. Be Sincere - if you’re not sincere, you shouldn’t be doing the old dog and pony dance. Your partner will know you’re full of it, and you will make things worse.

2. Choose Your Words Carefully - in order for your spouse to hear, feel, and understand that you are truly sorry for your actions or lack there of, you need to walk your partner through why you made the decision you did, what you learned from the mistake, and why you won’t do it again. 

3. Timing - depending on the severity of the issue, your spouse may not be ready to hear your words of regret or request for forgiveness. Healing can take time, so remember that if you’re truly sorry, you will walk with your spouse as they process their hurt, work through their emotions, and are ready to say, “I forgive you.”