Counseling: Really? Yes, we need to get help!

“I am so tired of having these same arguments over and over.  Why won’t you come to counseling with me?” 

Sound familiar?  You and your partner cannot agree on some very important issues and it is causing a significant strain in your marriage.  Your partner refuses to go with you to receive help.

Some thoughts about how to resolve issues that arise in many marriages.  Below are some common arguments that a reluctant spouse offers up as a way to avoid counseling.  Following are remarks that a person either in counseling or unwilling to participate in counseling might respond with.  Remember how important it is to be determined to be even, gentle, kind and non-accusatory as you meet together.

•  “ You are the one with the problem so why should I go?”
•  “Yes, I do have some issues and the counselor is helping me. But I can’t do this by myself.  You could, at least, come along and listen.”
•  “I don’t have time.”
•  “It’s only one hour a week. Surely you could manage one hour.”
•  “ I don’t like talking to strangers about our problems.”
•  “ I’m not comfortable doing it either, but, we obviously cannot figure this out ourselves.”
•  “It costs too much money.”
•  “Yes, there is a cost, but it is a lot cheaper than divorce.”
•  “Maybe in a month or two but not now.”
•  “I can’t continue with things the way they are.  I want our marriage to work and it feels like every day is a struggle.  I want help now before our problems get even bigger.”

It is important when you discuss these types of questions that it is not during or just after an argument.  You need to find a time when you are both rested and you won’t be interrupted.