When my wife and I had arguments in the early stages of our marriage, we did not have the tools necessary to work through our disagreements. Kate tended to walk out of the room and did not want to talk about the issue any more. I, on the other hand, followed her from room to room, telling her that the conversation was not finished until we came to a resolution. It was a painful, terrible process. Both of us acted immaturely, but we have since added some communication tools to our toolbox, and the disagreements are now much less contentious. 

One of those tools is a list of Fair Fight Rules. These are the boundaries and expectations that you both create for times when conversations devolve into arguments. They are great for clamping down on bad behavior. The exercises included in these pages may cause some heated discussions, and its best to have these rules in place, before you begin in order to minimize the friction. Here are our fair fight rules:

• No swearing.
• No leaving the room...

You messed up. You have caused your spouse incredible hurt and now you don’t know what to do. In the moment, your relationship can feel like everything is in tailspin and all you can do is do your best to hold on in the moment.

When we cause incredible hurt for our spouse, one of the main challenges in repairing your relationship is that you have crossed an invisible boundary. By crossing that boundary you have broken trust in your relationship and now your spouse doesn’t feel as safe with you as they once did. 

When I say ‘safe’ I do not mean where someone is physically worried for their safety. I’m talking about your spouse’s ability to be completely vulnerable with you moving forward, to trust that you are going to follow-through, and that you actually mean what you say.

In order to repair the damage you’ve caused in your relationship, you need to be able to ask your spouse for forgiveness. By asking for forgiveness you are acknowledging that you did something wrong, and you are ...